Why “The Respected Husband?”

Posted on 09/03/2014 by


respected husband button

I hope most people understand why this blog is called “The Respected Husband,” but I thought it might be good to explain it in a post. It is entirely possible that you could initially see the name of the blog and think that the blog could mean several things. It could be taken that I considered myself so high that I demand respect from my wife. It could be taken that I gave advice on how to be respected by your wife. It could be taken as a lot of things I imagine.

When I first started this blog, I started it as a companion blog to my wife’s Peacefulwife Blog. When she started her blog she had originally wanted to call it the Respectful Wife but that name was already taken in WordPress. She thought long and hard about it and settled on Peacefulwife. When I decided to start a blog a couple of months later, I was looking to find a name that fit in relation to her site. Peaceful Husband didn’t seem to make sense. We try to talk about love and respect in marriage, so I thought about Loving Husband as a title, but I believe it was also taken.

I began to think about what is it about love and respect in my marriage that makes the biggest difference in how I am able to be the best husband and father that I can be? What gives me confidence and a sense of competence to make decisions that are the best for my family? What is it that my wife has offered to me so graciously using the principles of love and respect that has made the biggest difference because I often do not deserve it? It is that my wife respects me and elevates me to superhero status when I am much closer to a clumsy Clark Kent in real life. It is that I am respected by her despite my flaws. So, I chose to name the blog, “The Respected Husband.”

Some might think that “respected husband” is a somewhat arrogant as a name. Some might think that “respected husband” implies some sort of abusive, dominating, or controlling relationship status. Those ideas couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you haven’t read much of this blog, you might not have seen that my background is from the viewpoint of a passive husband. My wife and I had the classic dominant wife/passive husband relationship. She is very decisive and a “go-getter” at everything that she does. I, on the other hand, take a long time to make decisions and try to avoid anything that can produce conflict. Over time, it was easy for me to surrender a lot of my responsibilities and just let her make those decisions. Of course, this came with her losing respect for me as a leader and as a husband. I shutdown as a husband.

Anyway, that is when we realized the importance of love and respect in our marriage. I wrote a post titled When She Surrendered that describes this part of our journey. Many people hate the title of that post. Many people take offense at the thought of surrendering control over some things that might affect them personally. Fact is, she didn’t really surrender to me. She surrendered to God.

I had surrendered a long time before unfortunately. It was just my surrender was from my marriage and my wife. It was never that I did not love my wife or that I didn’t think she loved me. It was that I felt disrespected that made me feel all alone.

When she surrendered to God and began to put her trust in me to make decisions, I could tell that she respected me. It was not that I had earned it or even had demanded it. It was that she was willing to show me the sacrificial love that Christ showed us. Her example made me want to show her the same sacrificial love in the way that I lead as a husband. I was able to love her in the way that God intended and she deserved. Her example also helped me to grow stronger in my relationship to Christ.

Am I perfect? By no means am I perfect and I often make mistakes. I can quickly get caught up in a football game or television show that takes my focus away. I still make mistakes in letting my passive nature take charge. I try to be more assertive when needed and I try to tell her that I love her more often.

So, what is “The Respected Husband” all about? Hopefully, the posts are little reminders to point you to act a little more like Jesus. I try to post some pieces discussing the different ways that men and women communicate, ways that we can be more Godly husbands or fathers, and provide some examples of love and respect principles. You never know, I might even throw something fun or interesting in there occasionally.

Thanks for being my readers. I don’t respond a lot to comments but I do appreciate when you do.