What happened to husbands who would be leaders of their families? Today there is a big problem in society with a lack of leadership being displayed by husbands in the home. Some don’t realize that this is a God-given role. Other husbands really don’t know how to lead in their home. Some husbands have simply refused to lead. Many of the marital problems in society are a direct result from husbands failing to lead. A husband’s lack of leadership will have a huge impact on his relationship to his wife, the family’s finances, and their ability to be effective parents. So let’s look at some reasons why men are failing to lead in their homes
Many times a man was not raised with good male leadership at home
Our society has seen so many broken homes that it is becoming increasingly common for a child to be raised with no father figure at all. Many fathers are in jail or have left the home. Many have custody every other weekend at best and have no ability to have influence over their children. The best a lot of kids may have to a father figure may be their grandfather who may wind up raising them.
Another area is that some men devote every part of themselves in work. They are either on the road with business or working overtime constantly. They may be working odd shift work to make ends meet. They may not have time or anything left when they get home to be a leader.
Unfortunately, there are too many examples of just plain poor fathers. They may have had time to be good leaders in their families, but chose to spend that time at the bar, with their friends, or into their own hobbies. There are also those father figures that are verbally abusive, physically abusive, or emotionally abusive to their kids.
A husband’s leadership role is not taught anymore
The idea of teaching a husband’s leadership role of the family in the church or other places is often times looked at as male chauvinism. Teaching on a husband’s leadership is looked at as supporting domination of women, enslaving wives, and supporting abuse. It is clear in reading the Bible that the husband’s role as a leader in the family is well supported and there are many directives that totally eliminate the thought that any of these assertions are biblically tolerated.
We also are bombarded daily with TV programs and commercials that depict fathers and husbands as complete fools. They tout fathers and husbands as worthless and not necessary. If anything, men are pictured as just being in the way.
Many husbands are just lazy and would rather have their wife lead the home
Some husbands just married because that was what they were suppose to do. They share a place to live and share finances, but that is about all of the work that they are willing to put into the marriage. When it comes to the home and the kids, they are more than happy to put that responsibility on their wife and have her handle all of that. They are the man of the house and to them that means being parked in a recliner in front of the TV while their wife runs the house.
Other husbands simply give up trying to lead because their wife takes over control
This is one of the most common problems seen today. There is a large population of men who have taken on the role of being passive husbands. Some of this can be contributed to the culture we are exposed to today preaching equality in everything. Women are now well educated as a whole and encompass a good percentage of the workforce in most professions. They have been taught to lead and take command and have carried this over right into the home. Men, particularly Christian men, have been “equal righted” in so many areas that they have just given up in a lot of areas. They apply for jobs where they are immediately placed at a disadvantage because of their gender or even their race. For them to squeak any dissatisfaction to this plight they are hit with shouts of intolerance. It is no wonder that men are running to the storm shelter and letting their wives tackle the tornado.
Many husbands have wives who have thrown any idea of submission out the window
Is there anything more irritating than to hear a woman complain about her husband? It seems like as a society we have decided that the way to handle our problems with our spouses is to win the war of words by depicting them as a lesser life form at work, on the phone, on Facebook, texting, and email. There are many wives that have gone the route of tears, denial of sex, or constant verbal harassment to take over any leadership in their home. They have made the home a place where their husband cannot lead.
Are these valid excuses for a husband’s lack of leadership in the home?
It is easy to look at these reasons and think that God must have a box to check on some of these that gets a husband out of his responsibility to lead. It is very important to understand that none of these reasons are valid excuses that God would ever accept from a husband. Leadership in the home is a responsibility God ordained for husbands to carry out.
This week we are going to look at some of the ways that we can take up the role of leader in our homes.
peacefulwife
04/02/2012
Wow, Honey!! I am SO VERY PROUD of you for tackling this much needed topic! Great job!!!! Thanks for being such a godly leader in our home!
dianewilkie
04/03/2012
Thank God for a blog like yours to offer men some guidance at last. I will be recommending it to men I know! Bless you.
Adam's Eve
04/04/2012
It is soooooo important for men to understand and know how to be leaders in their homes and for women to understand and know how to submit to their husband’s leadership and yet this is such a controversial taboo topic in the church sadly. It’s unBiblical not to be teaching these things. I hope someday when my husband and I have children that we can demonstrate a godly marriage (a husband fulfilling his godly leadership role and a wife submitting to her husband’s leadership) and that we will teach our sons to be godly leaders and our daughters to be godly submissive wives. Thanks for this post!
Scott
04/06/2012
I often say that the main problem in Christian marriages today is men who are afraid to lead, not women who are unwilling to submit. Thanks for your encouragement to husbands to step up and take their place in their families!
claudiajustsaying
04/15/2012
Thanks for reading my post. Looks like you give some sound advice for both men and women. Claudia
Mr. Appiah
04/17/2012
Adam the one to whom the instruction about the tree was given followed his wife (to whom the instruction was not given). Instead of leading lovingly, he followed and this landed humanity in the situation in which we find ourselves. Hopefully true leadership with serve as a focus will rise again and lead humanity back into the finished work of God. Thanks for the post.
dnbastian
04/17/2012
A very reflective blog. The issues are fundamental in our post-Christian society. Thanks!
beautifulmess7
04/23/2012
“Many husbands are just lazy and would rather have their wife lead the home.” Unfortunately, I have been combatting that personally. My husband seems to have a complete lack of motivation to take the lead in anything. I have recently decided that I just won’t do it. I’m tired of being looked at as the leader of our house. My husband will have to either step up or face the consequences of his inaction. The sad thing is that I will be affected as well. But it’s better than having to make all of the decisions.
respectedhusband
04/23/2012
I do not know your specific situation, but I have been the lazy husband you are talking about. My wife would lead the family and at some point it occurred to me that she had already decided how things needed to be, why should I try to lead at all. I suggest that you visit my wife’s blog site, http://www.peacefulwife.com and read about her story. I suggest her menu tag Before and After and When She Surrendered. She found that I came alive when she learned how to submit and the weight that she had carried could be let go. Thanks for your comment.
peacefulwife
04/23/2012
Beautifulmess,
I actually think you will begin to see results when you stop leading! Great idea! BUT be sure to praise everything you see your hubby doing right. Be willing to be patient and wait as long as it takes. If you jump in, he won’t have to lead. But if you have a respectful attitude and act grateful for every effort he makes, he will begin to blossom as a leader. It will take baby steps. He will make mistakes. That has to be ok. Be sure you don’t criticize his leadership if you want him to continue to lead! Support him. Accept him completely, pray a lot. And watch God transform you both and your marriage!!!!!! Praying for wisdom as you begin this exciting new journey with God!