Your Wife’s 5 Emotional Security Blankets

Posted on 03/07/2012 by


Today we are going to try to explain this foreign concept of Emotional Security and why it is important to your wife. We are going to evaluate 5 ways that will provide her with the emotional security she needs.

1. She needs to feel close to you

The ability for you to create a closeness between the two of you is the most important security blanket in a woman’s life. Jeff Feldhahn in “For Men Only” explains, “For women, the currency that counts is a strong sense of closeness or intimacy with their man.” Jeff further goes on to say that this closeness “is almost a synonym for emotional security.

Great, let’s check that one off the list. We share the same house and the same bed, so let’s move on. Hold it. Those things are great but do not necessarily mean that your wife feels close to you.

So what can we do to build closeness in our relationship? She needs us to love her and be her best friend.

We need to be able to have our wives feel like they belong to us and that we love each other. That would seem obvious as well. Your wife will feel closer to you when you take of the little things that show you care.

Shaunti Feldhahn explains that “It’s not that the little things somehow make a difference. It’s that the little things are the difference between feeling secure and loved.

She later goes on to say that the big things may not have that same effect.

For example, the Peacefulwife wanted us to have a nice dinner together a few years back. So, I worked to get reservations at one of the nicer restaurants in town and I even invited some of her family to come along and enjoy the evening as well. She had not seen them in several weeks, so it seemed like a good move on my part. I noticed that she wasn’t as excited as I had expected her to be that night and seemed to be distant for a few days after. It turned out that my big plans were not at all what she really wanted from me. She wanted to be with me and only me that night. She would have been happy at Taco Bell if it meant that she got to have some time to feel close to me.

The little things that may give her a feeling of closeness are sometimes pretty easy. Holding your wife’s hand when you are walking together, sending a funny email or text to her so that she knows you are thinking about her, and touching her leg or back in a certain way that gives her a feeling of being special all are simple ways to take care of the little things.

So, how do we let her know that she is our best friend. Your ability to express your emotions to your wife and your pursuit of who she really is inside can fully take care of her need for you to be her best friend.

2. She needs you to prioritize your time together

So here it is in a nutshell, your wife needs to know that after God she is your top priority. She needs to know that your job or hobbies do not come before her.

Jeff Feldhahn states it this way, “being a priority means this to her: It is the amount of time and attention you give her outside of traditional work hours compared to anything else. Your wife sees your willingness to go out with the guys or do other things as violating her time with you.

3. She needs to feel your commitment to her

We already talked in the Downward Spiral of Doubt about how your wife needs to be reassured that you love her constantly. Her need to know that you will be there for her no matter what is a definite emotional security protector.

4. She needs you be an invaluable part of the home

This is the “Turn it off at the door” blanket. Your wife needs you to be able to turn off work at the door and become the husband and dad at home. She understands that there may be times when you have to bring work home, but she needs you to make time even in this situation to have some time with the kids or take care of a chore in the house. It is also important to let your wife know that even though you are overloaded with work that you appreciate them and everything that they do.

5. She needs to see your effort to provide

Wait a minute. Didn’t we say that financial security was not your wife’s top priority. The effort that is put in to provide for your family does provide your wife with this last emotional security blanket.

Jeff Feldhahn describes it this way, “Where guys focus on the results, our wife focuses on the effort – and the effort makes her feel loved as long as it doesn’t crowd out the other elements of emotional security.”

In summary, your wife really wants you to be happy. While some of the emotional security blanket items seem strange at first, your wife really wants you to be able to enjoy your life more. Your wife wants you to be able to balance having a job you enjoy and that gives you the opportunity to get the most from your family. She understands that if you are not happy and killing yourself at work, chances are you aren’t going to be much good to her or your kids at home. Your wife didn’t marry you to wave goodbye in the morning and tuck you in at night. She wants to be with you and be able to enjoy having you in all aspects of her life.