Financial Security or Emotional Security?

Posted on 03/07/2012 by


Today we are going to talk about a wife’s need for security. Unfortunately, I think you will find that our view of security is drastically different than our wives’. Security is a pretty broad topic. When we think about security we think about something being protected. So, as a man we want to provide this security to our family. This security comes from our ability to lead a stable family, live in a home that meets our needs, and work a job that provides the financial security to pay for the items that help us meet our needs. Our ability to provide the financial security to our family is a big part of who we are.

A few years ago, Peacefulwife and I were getting everything in order for a great Christmas. We had purchased gifts for our kids way beyond what we should have, but it had been a good year and our income was good. A few days before Christmas, Peacefulwife got a call from her boss and they were cutting her part-time job from 3 days a week to 1. Her profession was suffering just like most were at the time. Other part-time employment opportunities were not going to be there any time soon as well. Peacefulwife was distraught for a day or two. I tried to stay upbeat. I encouraged her that we would get through this. We carried a good bit of our Christmas gifts back to the stores and got refunds for them. It was the worst Christmas ever for me. After a couple of days, Peacefulwife perked up and found peace with the situation. I, on the other hand, slowly sunk into a pretty depressed state. We did what we needed to do to make it through by watching how much we spent on food, stopped our remodeling projects while we got a handle on things, and monitored our spending closely. I felt like such a failure because I couldn’t provide the level of security I wanted to provide my family. It only made it worse in my mind that Peacefulwife had accepted the situation with open arms. It probably would have been better if she wouldn’t have started singing the Smurf’s song as she skipped through the house doing chores merrily.

Why was it that she was so chipper in this situation when I was dying over here? In a twisted sort of way, this event provided her more security than she may have even had before.

Jeff Feldhahn in “For Men Only” explains, “Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.”

It turns out that being home more was something she really liked and having me slow down work on renovations was just the icing on the cake.

A women’s security blanket is not built on being able to pay the bills, it is constructed on how emotionally secure she is. Her emotional security is based on how close and connected she feels to you. A large majority of women would say that they would prefer struggling financially if it meant having more real time with you. It is probably true that while we would like to think of our wives as materialistic, she would probably gladly give up a new dress or new shoes to be with us. She would more than likely do this more willingly than we would give up our new TVs, Iphones, boats, and fishing rods.

As a man, we define ourselves by what we do and our ability to provide for our family. This is the way we show our love. Our ability to give them everything they need warms us up inside. Your wife doesn’t care about any of that. If providing her the best means you will be around her and your family less, she will gladly take less to have you.

Tomorrow we are going to look at what security means to her. How can we best make our wives feel emotionally secure?