Do You Tell Your Wife That You Appreciate Her?

Posted on 01/04/2013 by

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appreciate

Today’s Peacefulwife Headline:

A BIG ISSUE MANY WIVES HAVE IS THAT THEY REALLY WANT THEIR HUSBANDS TO TELL THEM THEY ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.

So what do we think as guys we should be trying to do. We should be lifting up their spirit by letting them know we appreciate all of the things that they do daily for us and our family.

Over the last several years I have been remodeling different areas of our home and recently was working in our front entrance area putting up some molding. It hit me that I would put up a few pieces of molding and my wife would come by and my first response was, “How does that look?” She would reply, “That looks great, Honey.” Then after putting up a few more pieces she would pass by and I would say, “How does that look?” She would once again reply, “That looks great, Honey.” Later on, I would be filling nail holes and she would pass by and I would say, “How does that look?” And she would reply, “That looks great, Honey.”

Now, think back to the last time your wife was washing dishes in the sink. Did she say, “How am I doing on the dishes?” And did you say, “Wow! That plate looks really clean.” Probably not. Why is it that we think our actions should be appreciated more than our wives? Do we think that our skills are superior to theirs? Are the chores that she does not as important if not more important to our home functioning at its best? Or is it that we just have expectations that our wives will accomplish certain tasks, household responsibilities, social responsibilities, church obligations, and school functions without any need for our affirmation.

So, what if your wife occasionally did something in your marriage that you really appreciated? Maybe she showed she trusted your decision on a certain issue. Or she wanted you to make decisions on the family budget. Or she began to greet you in a loving way when you came home from work? Are these things that we expected from our wives all along so we shouldn’t applaud that they are doing something we really like? If I was putting up molding and my wife came by and her response was, “At least you’re doing something” or didn’t say anything at all I might be disheartened to continue.

Laura Doyle, who wrote “The Surrendered Wife”, describes how women she believes husbands view a wife’s contributions – If you suddenly start coming to work on time after you have been late every day for years – you wouldn’t expect your boss to give you accolades. You would finally be doing what was expected – the minimum that was expected.”

Isn’t it sad that we tend to treat our wife in such a corporate way? We all need encouragement and your wife needs to know that you appreciate and rely on her role as an important part of your life. Women were probably more fixated on grades than you were in school and they really want to know that they aced the test. They want to know that they are doing well as a wife too. They want to know that you see how they are doing as a mother. They want you to notice when they treat you well. This tells them that what they are doing is right and that they are producing fruit. They love to know you appreciate even the little things that they do.

With my wife, it only takes a minor negative word about something that she is doing to really mess up her world. She immediately tries to evaluate, research, and overcomplicate something that probably didn’t need to be fixed to start with over an ill-timed remark or word in passing. Critical words usually are going to make a situation worse with your wife. It could even start a downward spiral of confusion and doubt within her.

No one wants to be coddled in worthless flattery, but if you can focus on your wife’s special qualities you can inspire her self-esteem. The words are powerful and your relationship will be strengthened. She can feel confident and grow in knowing that she is pleasing you.

Husbands are not good with getting down to specific terms. We struggle to say “I love you”, and yet not only do our wives want to hear that, they want to know how you love her and in what way or ways. We need to be as specific as we can manage though to show our appreciation and affirmation of our wives. Things as simple as a certain hairstyle you like, shoes, or a dress can give her insight into what you like. Things about her personality that she does that you appreciate and ways that she approaches the kids are all good things to accent in showing you appreciate her. She needs to be reassured of your love day after day and that she is special to you day after day. Your expression should not be a ritual display of the same things but a heartfelt reminder of your love. An unexpected phone call, text, email, or note can do wonders for her to know that she is special to you.

So, back to today’s headline again…..

A BIG ISSUE MANY WIVES HAVE IS THAT THEY REALLY WANT THEIR HUSBANDS TO TELL THEM THEY ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.

Stop falling victim to just expecting the wonderful role your wife plays in your life. Appreciate her. Affirm her. Love her.


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